David Stern - "With the first pick in the 2003 Bleacher Mob NBA Mock Draft the Cleveland Cavaliers, owners of the coolest new logo in the league, select Lebron James, 6-8 240lb. Forward from St. Vincent–St. Mary HS (Akron, Ohio)"

GM Jim Paxson - "OK, I know this is no shock to all you other GM's out there. C'mon now, let me see a show of hands from you guys who would pick someone else... I thought so, oh wait... (shades eyes) Who is that back there raising a hand? Oh, it's you, Elgin, heh-heh.

(Stern slides his way over beside Paxson and begins to whisper in his ear which is picked up by Paxson's microphone.)

David Stern - You know, Jimmy, I could make it worth your while to trade that pick to a certain New York team that has been floundering lately. What do you say? How 'bout if I make you an offer that you can't refuse..."
 

MiloshD

With the second pick, the Detroit Pistons select Darko Milicic from Serbia.

Joe Dumars: I want to thank the previous management of the Vancouver Grizzlies for this wonderful opportunity...

Jerry West, mumbling: Joe...stop. Stop, will you? Stop, Joe. Will you stop, Joe?

JD: ... to draft this amazingly talented player. With hard workers like Ben Wallace around...

John Gabriel: Sigh...

JD: ... we believe he will develop into a great player.
 

CatMan

David Stern: With the third selection in the 2003 NBA Bleacher Mob Mock Draft, the Denver Nuggets select … I’m sorry, can’t read this writing, Carmelo Martinez? Is he eligible? … Oh, sorry, Carmelo Anthony, forward from Syracuse University.

Kiki Vandeweghe: What, you were expecting Jason Kapono? My secretary could have made this pick. Actually, she did when she arranged to have Carmelo’s name and number 15 placed above an empty locker for his workout last week.

Secretary: Mr. Vandeweghe, I left that note to Chris Anderson, that Aussie stiff we had last year, that he’s got to change his number. He was 15 last year. And the agent for Gilbert Arenas is on line three.

Vandeweghe: Tell him I’ll get back to him. That Arenas guy, how old is he, 22? 23? Could be too old for this team. Putting together the Under-20 world team here, with Carmelo, Nene Hilario, Nikolosz Tskitishvili, Juwan Howard’s sneakers. We’re hoping to improve on that 84.2 scoring average from last year and get Tskitishvili with Dirk Nowitzki’s strength and conditioning coach. Now, I’d like to bring out someone to talk about the team (looking around) but I don’t see him.

Jeff Bzdelik: Uh, Kiki?

Vandeweghe: Later, sonny, can’t you see I’m busy here?

Bzdelik: Yeah, but …

Vandweghe: Say, do me a favor kid, run along and find our coach, will ya?

Bzdelik: Uh, Kiki, that’s…

Secretary: Mr. Vandeweghe, the agent for Gilbert Arenas has called back on line two.

Bzdelik: So, anyway …

Vandeweghe: Who the hell are you? You don’t look like you’re any older than Carmelo Anthony.

Bzdelik: I’m your coach.

Vandeweghe: Oh, yeah. You’ll fit right in, kid. When do you start shaving, anyway?
 

Kings All Da Way

GM Glen Grunwald: (whispering to him self, Big...... or ........Small man???) ummm......

David Stern: pssssst glen it's your turn!

GM Glen Grunwald: Ohh um...... ya..... I will draft.... (Ring, Ring, Ring, cell phone.) Just a second. OK bye. OK here is my draft selection card.

David Stern: With the 4th pick of the NBA draft the Toronto Raptors Select...... the 5-10 guard out of Texas, T.J Ford.
 

Hallama

Pat Riley, a demonic smile from ear to ear, emerges from the throng of GM's cracking a whip in the air *whack* *whack*. The draft hopefulls shake in fear. Dwayne Wade looks at the floor rocking himself in his chair, Bosh wets himself, Lampe asks his interpreter in broken English,"Who he?"

Riles pulls the draft card from out of his slicked back hair, and hands it to Stern.

Stern: Ew. Pat, don't you know hair gel is so 80's?

Riley: Just read the card.

Stern: With the 5th pick in the 2003 Bleacher Mob, the Miami Heat select Eric Snow, PG, Sixers...

Riley: Hey, I love vets, solid, tenacious, don't make mistakes...

Stern: *sigh*

Riley: Ok, give me that lanky KG clone Bosh...

Stern: The Heat select, Chris Bosh, PF Georgia Tech...

Bosh hugs his agent, his mom, goes to give Dwayne Wade a high five when Riley gets up in his face. "Double time! Double time, rook!" Bosh sprints up to the podium and shakes Sterns hand, and then Riley pulls Bosh by his ear past Craig Sager. "No interview for you sonny, the two-a-days start here and now!"

"Move it!"

Kingsgurl

Stern With the 6th pick of the 2003 BMF Mock draft, the Los Angeles Clippers select TJ.. ...Kidd?

Elgin Baylor (excitedly pushing Stern aside) We are really excited to be able to add this promising young PG to our roster. We realize it may take a year for him to be able to seriously compete against the rest of the team in the Playstation Challenge, but we think he is up to the task. He's going to have size, once he grows into that head, and he's a gamer, one tough cookie. Breaks his collar bone and he's right back out there next game....

cut to Stern waving frantically for commercial

Stern Elgin, you just scratched out Ford and wrote in Kidd

Elgin Well, Kidd was our second choice, just a coincidence they had the same first name, you want I should rewrite it?

Stern (exasperated) He isn't eligable, he's in kindergarten, for crying out loud

Elgin I guess his nanny is out as team babysitter, er assistant coach, as well?

Sternyes

Elgin Did you have time to go over our request for transfer to the ABDL?

SternWe'll discuss that later, give me your pick, commercial is over
Elgin sheepishly hands Stern a new envelope

Stern With the 6th pick of the 2003 Draft, the Clippers select Dwayne Wade 6'5" (with his tall shoes on) SG out of Marquette

SPTSJUNKIE

David Stern - With the 7th pick in the 2003 Bleachermob Mock Draft, the Chicago Bulls select Maciej Lampe.

John Paxon - We have had our eye on Lampe for the last several days. Originally, we liked him because our team doctors said that a rare operation could allow us to transplant his legs onto Jay William's, but unfortunatly, Commisioner Wet-Blanket over here informed us that we'd have to wait for the next collective bargaining agreement to put that into a rookie contract. However, once we stated learning more about Lampe, we realized he had the chace to be a really special player. We feel he has the potential to become a Nowitski-like SF who would allow us to form an unprecedented "Trio of Towers" along with Chandler and Curry.

KingsFanB492

Ernie Grunfeld: It's no secret that we lack an inside presence . . .

George Karl (interrupting): No! We need more guards. MORE GUARDS!

Grunfeld: Shut up George. Anyway, as I was saying, we need some size so we're taking Chris Kaman, a 7 footer out of central Michigan, promising young Center with excellent low post foot-work, who should help fill the middle for a team that is currently too perimeter oriented. Hopefully, this pick will meet with GP's approval and he won't bolt to LA (hence the
reason we are not selecting a guard at this spot)

Karl: I don't like this pick.

Grunfeld: George, why don't you just coach? You asked us to go way over the cap for Anthony Mason and look how that turned out. Then you begged us to trade our best player for Gary Payton and now he might leave us with nothing to show for it.

Karl: Your point is?

Grunfeld: That I'm handling things now. Kaman is skilled with both hands, fights for position on the blocks and is more athletic than people realize. He's not just another big white stiff.

Karl: That's what they said about Chris Mihm. And Joel Pryzbilla . . .

Grunfeld: Enough already, you'll like this kid I promise.

Karl: . . . and Todd Fuller

Grunfeld: ENOUGH. Why don't you make yourself useful and call up Payton and beg him to stay again.

Rale

Stern: and with the 9th pick of the 2003 NBA draft the New York Knicks select Kirk Hinrich 6' 4" PG out of Kansas . . .

Crowd: Booooooooooooooooo

Stern: (voice completely drowned out by the crowd)

Scott Layden: (voice completely drowned out by the crowd)

Stern: (voice completely drowned out by the crowd)

Crowd: (the booing finally stops)

Stern: Let's do a little experiment...with the 9th pick of the 2003 NBA draft the New York Knicks select LeBron James!

Crowd: boooooooooo

Stern: (hands over a 20 dollar bill to Layden)

Critic

Wes Unseld lumbers slowly to the microphone on creaking knees, glaring at the assembled media with a look designed to intimidate all questions. He dons some small glasses from his coat pocket that soften the impact of his trademark scowl and then pulls out a prepared statement and begins to read:

“With the tenth pick in the draft, the Washington Wizards select Luke Ridnour. For the first time in a long, long time, this was a decision I made, without input from any owner, coach or player.

Ridnour is only 6’2” and 170 pounds or so, but we aren’t concerned about his size. No more conversion projects, this kid is a for-real point guard. What he can do is run a fast break or a half court offense and shoot lights out. For a team that has had trouble distributing the ball, scoring, and getting out on breaks, he should be a shot of pure adrenaline. I guess time will tell if he’s a tough enough defender to make it in the NBA, but his offense is ready to go right now.

Looking up from his prepared statement, Unseld continues:

"If he’s a bad pick, blame me, as you always have, even for decisions made by a real estate developer or an underwear spokesmodel dabbling at running an NBA team in his spare time. If Ridnour’s a good pick, make sure to ignore my role in making it, as you have each and every other good move I’ve ever made. Any of you little fellas got any smart-assed questions about why I picked this kid? No? Good.”

It should be obvious, even to some reporters, that this team needed a point guard in a big way. Ridnour was by far the best point guard on the board at this point and possibly the best one in the entire draft. Hughes and Stackhouse (if he decides $14 million is enough for him to stay here) should love filling fast break lanes with a ball handler like Ridnour in the middle. If any of our young big men start playing big and playing like men, then this team could do a lot better than most of you punks think. If not? Hey, that’s not my problem. After today’s second round pick, I’m outta here. No more standing up here looking like a fool pretending that I like all the idiot moves I’ve had to announce over the years. Anyone here who doesn’t understand why no one wants the job of being Wizards GM should come up and ask me after this is over.”

Reno Lady

David Stern: "Now, gentlemen, oh, & ladies, (with that stupid smirk on his face) with the 11th pick, the Golden State Warriors choose........just a minute......the Golden State Warriors choose...... hold on folks.....damn it St. Jean, will you make up your mind?"

St. Jean: (under his breath) "Keep your pantyhose on Darth". You know, I've been thinking about another saint, a woman who they tried to burn at the stake because her choices weren't always popular with the majority, and I'm kind of nervous, because frankly, my choices are rarely popular with anyone. Besides, that idiot in Washington, no, not THAT idiot, the one with the Wizards took the guy I wanted, but, ok, ok, I think I've got it."

Stern: With the 11th pick of the 2003 NBA draft, the Golden State Warriors FINALLY take Reese Gaines from Louisville!

St. Jean: I'm probably wrong again, but I think that little jerk, I mean that fine PG we've had, is leaving, and I've got to have someone run the team; Lord knows I can't do it! Gaines has shown he can run a team and take over when necessary. He's not a flashy guy but he can do the job, and I'm sure we'll be able to teach him what kind of operation he doesn't want to be with while he's in Oakland. (under his breath: "Whew, am I glad that's over!")

TheBigO

David Stern: The Seattle Supersonics are on the clock

Rick Sund: Ok, let's see where we're at - the only positions we're set at are shooting guard and small forward. We've got Ray Allen at the 2 and Rashard "my numbers ALMOST justify my new contract" Lewis at the 3 and we've got Brent Barry and Vladimir Radmanovic backing them up.

Barry can play the point OK and we played Vladimir at the 4 but those aren't their natural positions.

So we need a true PG and a PF. And oh yeah, we spent 24 million on guys who have started at center for us in the past: Elden Campbell, Jerome James, Peja Drobnjak, Vitaly Potapenko and Calvin Booth. Even if we don't resign Elden, we're spending 16 million for a platoon of centers that lacks a starter quality guy.

Hell, why don't we just forget about the other positions and draft Jarvis Hayes and Mickael Pietrus and be completely overloaded at the wings?

Stern: Come on Sund, make a pick

Sund: Fine. Well, how could I not take a power forward when this team started Reggie freaking Evans last season?

We'll take Michael Sweetney, the 4 man from Georgetown and hope he can give us some punch in the low post.

Zeke

 Stern:         and with the 13th pick in the 2003 Bleacher Mob NBA draft Jerry West and the Memphis Grizzlies select….Kobe Bryant? Aaaa Jerry can I talk to you?

West:        ya Davie, what do you need?

Stern:         (puzzled) You can’t pick Kobe? He already plays for my team.

West:         But, you told me I could have my choice of players. Remember, we cleared all that cap space the year before Shaq was a free agent . (laughing) REMEMBER we had that deal with Shaq already in place even while he played for the Magic and then we told everyone we hadn‘t talked to him. Man, Davie that was one of your better ideas and if I remember correctly you said if I kept my mouth shut I could have any player I wanted. I’ll take Kobe.

Stern:         (Interrupting and pushing the mike away) JERRY! Your talking into the mike. Your going to have to tell me who you want in this draft. I will get Kobe on your team but your not even supposed to be talking about what we did! Now, who do you want?

West:        O.k., o.k. (laughing) I’ll take James. Oh, wait he plays for the Knicks, oh, wait you blew that one too didn’t you Davie. Boy, Laden is pissed about that one too.

Stern:         I know, I know, I will make it up to them. But who do you want in this draft, seriously.

West:         Alright, we’ll take Mepisonu Ivantkobe from Russia.

Stern:        (approaching the mike) With the 13th pick the Memphis Grizzlies select: from Russia (sounding it out) Me pis on u I vant kobe? Ah…sorry ladies and gentleman just a minute please. JERRY!

West:         (Laughing) yes?

Stern:         You're not funny and you are making me look like an ass out there. I will get you Kobe and you don’t have to piss on me. Now who do you want, your time is almost up.

West:         I thought it was funny.

Stern:         Well it’s not! Who do you want?

West:         I’ll right, we will take Mickael Pietrus 6-6 200 lbs. from France

TheBigO

David Stern: Ok Seattle, you're back on the clock

Rick Sund: Alright, let's see if I can plug another hole here.

Well, Sweetney was our top rated PF after Bosh, so we're in good shape there. There is some good depth choices available (Jarvis Hayes or Nick Collison) but we really need to try and get a starter at either the 1 or the 5 out of this pick.

As far as PGs go, the guys we like are Leandrinho Barbosa sho is long, explosive and a good defender but has a busted looking J and a big language barrier and Marcus Banks who is really built and can drive & dish and is also a good defender but hasn't really shown that he's a true PG and turns the ball over a bit too much.

In terms of possible centers we've got Georgian big man Zaur Pachulia who definitely shows some promise or the beast from Greece, man-child Sofoklis Schortsanitis who is undersized but is loaded with muscle.

Well, I can't say we're thrilled with either of the options for a center - Pachulia looks a bit too awkward and mechanical and Schortsanitis is too raw and is a bit too short.

Rather than reach, we're going to take our chances on a PG and hope that we get a starter.

So with the 14th pick of the 2003 draft, the Seattle Supersonics select the 6'3" Leandrinho Barbosa.

We like that he's a bigger guard and he gives us a really aggressive attacker in the backcourt. Plus, since Barry and Allen can both handle the ball and are good passers, it gives us a nice 3 guard rotation where Barbosa doesn't neccessarily have to run the team by himself.

Let's hope he picks up English (and a decent looking shot) pretty damn quick.
 

The Power 28

Darth Stern, wearing his best fake PR smile: With the fifteenth selection in the 2003 BMF Mock Draft, the Orlando Magic select Marcus Banks, 6'1" 200 lbs. PG from UNVL.

John Gabriel: Yes, I know I have made many excellent draft picks recently, such as...umm..Jeryl Sasser, and, um, Steven Hunter...yeah.

OK, my draft pick history may have not been perfect as of late, and that has nothing to do with me no longer using Niednagel. He was a quack anyway. But I promise you, Marcus will be different. It has become painfully obvious to me that Darrell Armstrong is fading and Jacques is probably not our point guard of the future. That is exactly why I've decided to pick Marcus. I truly believe he is the point guard we need to take over Darrell's job, and, as an added bonus, he is 200 lbs! He's just like Shaq, only a foot shorter and a point guard!

This draft pick gives us a PG with exceptional girth and we already have a really tall shooting guard. Hey, who cares if our centers can be abused even by DeSagana Diop as long as our guards are huge, right? Right?

JB

David Stern steps to the podium: With the 16th pick in the 2003 Bleacher Mob NBA draft the Boston Celtics select….
Sofoaklies... Short...in... Shortsin ants... no Shortants

From somewhere in the crowd: Hey you stink!

Danny Ainge steps up to the podium and pushes Stern out of the way: His name is Sofoklis Schortsanitis. He's a 6'9" 275lb forward from Greece. He's also known as Baby Shaq. The guy is a monster on the boards and is an aggressive defender as well. He has the capability to be a slightly taller version of Ben Wallace within a few years. If Ben can be a dominant center in the Eastern Confernce at 6'7", then "Shorty" can have a long NBA career.

Schortsanitis walks on to the stage and shakes Ainge's hand and gives a puzzled look at David Stern.
Stern puts out his hand: Welcome to the NBA Mr. Shortypants.
 

Bonnie49ersKings

Since I don't see a current list of who's taken, I'll have to go with ESPN's pick for the Suns.

Zarko Cabarkapa

Sorry if someone already chose him. And sorry for not having the time to make it more fun.
 

1KingzFan

Darth Stern: With the 18th pick of the 2003 Bleacher Mob Mock Draft, the New Orleans Hornets select…..

Tim Floyd: (bolting onto the stage) Hey, wait, nobody asked me what MY opinion was or who I would pick! I’m the coach of the Hornets, you know.

Darth Stern: Uhhh, Tim, you’re crampin’ my style here…can you take this up with Bob Bass? He’s your GM, you know?

Tim Floyd: Yeah, that’s what I hear. But I’ve never been consulted on whom we should draft. It’s just not fair.

Darth Stern: Tim, could the reason be that you were just named coach a few days ago? Could it be that you were gotten on the cheap and George Shinn doesn’t have the confidence in you to do much of anything right now? Could it be that you were hired as JUST a coach and team management doesn’t want you to have anything to do with player personnel decisions? (thinking…they fired Silas to get Floyd? I already got the refs in my pocket, but I need to change a few more league rules so I can control ownership even more and stop travesties like this coaching change in New Orleans…making a mental note…maybe I need to instigate a basic IQ test for owners…yeah, that’s good…making another mental note).

Tim Floyd: George who?

Darth Stern: (rolls eyes) George Shinn. Your team’s majority owner, Mr. Coach.

Tim Floyd: Damn, nobody tells me these things. Oh, wait, I think I met him at my press conference when I was named coach. Did he say anything good about me?

Darth Stern: I don’t think so, but it could also be that you have a long ways to go to prove yourself at the NBA level after your woeful performance as coach of the Bulls, going 49-190 over 3 years? Remember? (thinking…that’ll shut him up!)

Tim Floyd: It wasn’t my fault! MJ was not supposed to leave! That was supposed to be the cushiest job in the league! Look at what MJ did for that pathetic excuse of a coach, Phil Jackson! I wanted the same things Phil got…sit there on the bench, basically doing nothing while watching MJ do it all, collect a few rings, make the Hall of Fame as a coach, and live happily ever after. But instead, look at what those lame Bulls’ owners gave me to work with! No MJ! And, to boot, do you know that 26 of the 36 players that I coached in Chicago were no longer in the NBA only a year after I left? Gimme a break, huh?

Darth Stern: No, you give me a break…this has gone too far. Let me proceed.

Tim Floyd: Oh, well, OK…there can’t be anyone too good down here at the 18th slot anyway, right? But, you know, Jerry Krause never asked me who I wanted on the team, either…not at draft time, not during the season, not ever! I was a very good recruiter at the University of New Orleans and Iowa State, you know. I had lotsa teams in the NCAA Tourney…well, a few anyway…(thinking… hmmmm, why DID the Hornets fire Silas and hire me? hmmmmmm….)

Darth Stern: Yeah, whatever. With the 18th pick of the 2003 Bleacher Mob Mock Draft, the New Orleans Hornets select David West, 6-9 Forward from Xavier (Ohio).

Tim Floyd: Good pick! See, they shoulda asked me. We really, really needed to draft a power forward. PJ Brown, last year’s starting power forward, hates my guts and is certainly headed out the door in free agency…supposedly to La-La Land. This new kid’ll make the Crescent City forget about that homeboy has-been.

Myself, at this juncture, I had it down to Nick Collison, Brian Cook, and West. And I’m sure the Hornets player personnel folks did, too.

Collison was a force at Kansas and he always got good position inside against the college kids, shot well from the outside, and literally owned the glass. He was a 1st Team All-American in his senior year. However, he couldn’t make a free throw to save his life, is not really a very athletic player, and performed questionably in the NBA’s pre-draft strength testing week before last. These are valid questions about Nick’s being able to make the leap into the big league.

Cook was the Player of the Year in the Big 10 last year, leading the conference in scoring at 20 points per game, averaging about 8 boards a contest, and a 3rd team All-American selection. He’s a great foul shooter (82% last year), has a nice post-up game, and drove well to the basket against the college competition. While Brian is a very skilled player, he is nowhere near a physical specimen for his size and currently lacks the power of the prototypical NBA 4 slotter. I think he’ll also have trouble taking his NBA defenders to the hole, and he may be a bit on the spongy side (yeah, not soft as Charmin, but softer than I’d like to see a power forward).

In my mind, West was the best selection for a power forward at #18. This guy was Mr. Everything in college at Xavier: Atlantic 10 Player of the Year (3 times), consensus 1st Team All-American as a senior and made 2nd Team as a junior, both the AP and USBWA National Player of the Year last year, averaging 20 points, 12 rebounds, and nearly 2 blocks per game. Senior year, he consistently got to the line 8 times a game and made 82% of his freebies. David’s a great attitude kid with a hard-work ethic reputation with a Communications degree in hand. He’s got Elton Brand-like potential. The only real concern I had about him was his height and he’s really not the most gifted athlete around, but he makes the most of his talents. That’s why David West was my choice at #18.

(In the meantime, West ascends the podium to greet Darth, shakes his hand, and dons his nice, new Hornets cap)

David West: Thank you, Mr. Stern. One question, though…is that guy (gesturing towards Floyd) going to be my coach?

Darth Stern: Uhhh, yes, David…my condolences.

David West: But he’s a loser, and I wanna win. Can they get Paul Silas back?

Darth Stern: Sorry, Paul’s already on board in Cleveland. Them’s the breaks, David. Your team owners basically suck. Look on the bright side, though, you will soon have a guaranteed contract of $966,800 for your 1st year in New Orleans. Almost a million bucks, son!!!!

David West: Oh, yeah…thanks for the wakeup call! It IS all about the money, isn’t it?

Darth Stern: You can say THAT again!!!! (thinking…this kid’s got a real future in this league!)

David West: (thinking…and all that gumbo, jambalaya, and crawfish etouffee, playing with Baron on the court and all those loose women on Bourbon Street and the French Quarter ain’t too shabby, either!) Wow! What a great day!
 

NOTTY

David Stern takes the podium, takes a long deep breath, and says: With the 19th pick in the 2003 NBA draft the Utah Jazz take Aleksandar Pavlovic.
(Collision and Cook continue the slide...)

Kevin O' Conner comes to the stage, doing the "happy dance" and humming "happy days are here again".

"We really need a good shooting guard, after Quincy Lewis and Deshawn Stevenson we deserved some luck this year. With Hayes, Pavlovic and Diaw available, we had a real good selection I feel we finally have found a replacement for Horny...Pavlovic is the best shooter of the bunch, something we really need. And we plan to store him in Europe for a year or two, since we already have two "rookies" already this year. Raul Lopez and Curtis Bochardt.

(streaker smelling of cheap home made wine crosses the podium and is tackled by one of security guards and is escourted out of the building, later it is discovered he is a Kings fan, upset with them trading their 1st round and second round(Darius Songaila) picks this year. He is later charged for short changing the American public).

Stern smiles, no wait, he is passing gas.

Aleksandar takes the podium...Unesite r{ij}e"c. Prim{j}eri: re"c, rije"c, word, ad\just (mo"ze i adjust), devojka, d\jevojka (mo"ze i djevojka), djak, comput# (za sve r{ij}e"ci koje po"cinju sa `comput') i sl. R{j}e"cnik se stalno dopunjava.

Stern walks over and takes the microphone, Pavlovic wrinkles his nose, and quickly retreats behind O' Conner.

JB

David Stern approaches the podium and looks at the card and smiles to himself as he realizes that he can actually pronounce this guys name: With the 20th pick in the 2003 Bleacher Mob Mock Draft the Boston Celtics select -The Celtics select: Ndudi Ebi 6'9" 205 lb Power Forward from Westbury HS in Houston, TX.

Danny Ainge shakes his head and wonders how David Stern got his job in the first place.

Ebi has the most potential to be a star out of the remaining high schoolers in the draft. He should be a defensive force with his long arms (and explosive speed and shot blocking. His shot has been described as needing some work. And like most young players, he needs to start hitting the weights.

Billy Knight is about to hand the envelope to Stern when...

David McDavid: (runs up to the mic) (wheezing) wait...wait...i am...the new ... owner...huff...puff... I just bought the team. Can I make the pick? Please please pleasy plizzplizizlzlpliz

Stern: All right! All right! You can make the pick just calm down jeez!

McD: Say David, that's my name too by the way, would it be possible to make Glenn Robinson disappear?

Stern: No, it wouldn't.

McD: Oh come on, it's not like anyone would notice.

Stern: (in a stern voice) No.

McD: Come on, I'll throw in a car for you.

Stern: Dude, I said no.

McD: Well, this is no way to start a business relationship! You know I was really looking forward to this and you just destroyed all my enthusiasm.
(start crying)

Stern: David, I'm sorry. I'm having a rough day. I didn't mean to make you cry. Of course it would be possible to make Glenn Robinson disappear. I can't promise anything, but I'll definately look into it.

McD: Thanks man. I owe you one! (runs off)

Stern: Hey what about the pick?

Billy Knight: (sigh) We suck and it's not like the 21st selection is going to make us any better so what the hell; let's try this Euro thing and take Zoran Planinic a 6 foot 6 point guard from Croatia. We need an oversized pg to pair him up with our undersized sg.

Stern: Nice pick!

Knight: Oh shut up! This job is so depressing!

Stern: Let's keep this thing moving folks! With the 22nd pick of the 2003 NBA draft the New Jersey Nets select ... David Beckham? But Rod, he's a soccer player!

Rod Thorn: So was Nash and look what that did for him. Besides Beckham is one of the most recognizable sports figures in the world and will help put East Rutherford on the map.

Stern: Riiiight...

Thorn: Also his wife is pretty hot and her and Joumana could do the next Miller Lite commercial... great taste, less filling, great taste, less filling, ha haha haa

Stern: That's the stupidest thing I ever heard.

Thorn: Hey I'm just trying to be funny. I was...

Stern: Whatever just give me the damn envelope!

And with the bla bla bla the Nets select Jarvis Hayes a shooting guard from Georgia.

Thorn: God knows we could use somebody who can shoot. Hey, Dave why are you wearing a yarmluke?

Stern: Oh that. I just came back from Adam Sandler's wedding. I'll tell you all about it later 'cause we gotta move along baby!!!

Barkley: ...and Kenny if the Cavaliers make the playoffs next year I will kiss your butt.

Ernie: It looks like the Blazers are ready to announce their pick so let's listen in.

Bob Whitsitt steps onto the podium wearing a Geoff Petrie throwback jersey.

Stern: What's with the outfit, Whitsitt?

Whitsitt: Oh, I'm just hoping some of that magic will rub off on me.

Stern: That's sad. Well, what do you have for us Mr. I-never-majored-in-chemistry?

Whitsitt: I'm actually here to introduce the new Portland TrailBlazers General Manager.

Stern: Go ahead, I'm hardly containing my excitement.

Whitsitt: Ok, ladies and gentleman, without further ado I give you...Mr. Richard Simmons!

Simmons hops onto the stage wearing a BEIGE tutu. The crowd is starting to throw chairs.

Simmons: (speaking with a slight lisp) Hello you silly New Yorkers! Yes, I love you too! Hello Mr. Stern pleased to meet you! Let me just say that we are happy to announce that Keannu Reeves will be joining our little team. He is so cute and well mannered and strong...

Stern: Jesus...

Simmons: (speaking with a slight lisp) and he can fly and kick butt karate style 'cause he's the one and...

Stern: Shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP! Hey, I'm Jewish and you just made me evoke Jesus Christ that's how upset I am! I know we at the NBA front office like to proud ourselves of breaking social barriers but this is way out there, man! Why don't you two jokers get out of my sight and I'll make the pick!

OK, the jail ... Trailblazers select Malick Badiane, a center from Senegal. Dale Davis is old, Sabas is gone and besides we need another representative from Africa in order for the league to keep expanding over all the continents with the ultimate goal of CONQUERING
THE WORLD! (sinister laughter) ha ha ha ha...

Lou Ferigno: Aaaarghhh HULK MAD! Hulk have a huge blister on his left foot.

(mic feedback)

kgrichwine

  Commentary to follow

MiloshD

Stern With the 25th pick, Pistons select Boris Diaw, 6-9, PG/SG/SF.

Joe Dumars OK, the 2nd pick was easy. Now, we'd like some depth at the SG and SF positions and since I'm on a roll with these foreign guys, I don't want to break the streak.

Yes? Oh, Kiki, how are you doing? What? No, I'm keeping Darko. Who told you that? Barry Lown? Never heard of him. Sorry about that. Bye.

David Stern: With the 26th selection in the 2003 Bleacher Mob NBA Mock Draft, the Minnesota Timberwolves select ... yo, Kev, the card’s blank.

Kevin McHale: Sorry, it’s been a while. I’m supposed to write something on it.

Stern: A name would help.

McHale: Put Joe Smith.

Stern: Very funny.

McHale: OK, gimme that thing. (Scribbles ... scratches out ... scribbles ... scratches out ... scribbles again)

Stern: The Timberwolves select Nick Collison, forward, University of Kansas. The Sacramento Kings, er, Memphis Grizzlies are on the clock.

McHale: Big white kid, nice shot, decent moves, can grab a board or two. Kinda reminds me of someone, can't quite place the name, but I get a good feeling.

Zeke

Stern:         Alright Jerry no funny stuff this time. Just give a real name for your pick. That’s all I want.

West:        Hey, I am really sorry about all that stuff earlier. No hard feelings.

Stern:         No hard feeling just give me your draft card.

West:         Ok, but first we need to talk about this realignment thing. (West grabs Stern, pulls him behind the curtain, grabs his arm, pushes him against the wall and twists it behind his back) I think it would be in your best interest if the we were moved to the eastern conference. The West is too tough.

Stern:         (crying and in obvious pain) ok Jerry ok. Consider it done. Don’t hurt me, I’m sorry.

West:        That’s what I thought and from now on address me as Mr. Logo. Got it! (letting him go)

Stern:        Yes, Mr. Logo. Now may I please have your pick.

West:        Mr. Logo would like to select the 6-11 260 lbs. PF/C from Georgia (not the college) Zaur Pachulia
 

Slug50/iKing

iKing

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Second Round
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